My parents worked hard to provide me one of the best educations they could.  So, they sent me to an all boys Catholic high school.  I loved the experience as a matter of fact.  Sports was by far the highest priority and it’s what gives me the competitive spirit in everything that I do today.  However, when it came to girls, we didn’t interact with them everyday.  My friends, who went to the public high school, were getting to know new girls everyday.  I guess my parents probably knew this beforehand thinking girls would definitely be a distraction from my studies and compromise my ability to get into a great University.

Even going to an all boys school, I somehow managed to meet girls during high school.  Friends would introduce me to girls and I was never one to turn down a “meet up”.  However, it was my parents who somehow became the obstacle to my dating life.

Since my parents were so invested in my education, they felt anything outside of school was a distraction that would somehow jeopardize my ability to get into a good college.  As a result, being on the debate team, the tennis team, the wrestling team were not considered distractions to my studies but girls definitely were.  I remember several occasions where I would be talking on the phone to a girl on the telephone and out of nowhere my mom would pick and ask “Did you finish your homework?”  Talk about ruining someone’s game!  Even on nights I went out to dinner with a “friend”, my mom would wait up and somehow know the minute we pulled into the driveway and escort me inside.

Eventually, I figured out a solution to beat the unnecessarily strict guidlines of my parents.  I would fib and say “Mom, I think I study better at Barnes and Noble.  Would you mind taking me there, drop me off and pick me up when I call?”  When my mom heard that I was going to study at a bookstore, she asked “Why not at library?” I responded “Well at Barnes and Noble, they have more recent books and unlike the library, nothing is ever ‘checked out’.”  Lucky for me, she believed me.  What she didn’t know was that it was at Barnes and Noble where we would all get together and hang out, like a study and social night.

Fast forward 10 years.  Every week, I call my parents just to check in and see how things are going.  Each time I call, I always get the same questions, “Do you have a girlfriend?  When do you think you’ll get married?  What about grandchildren?”  My quick response is, “No.  When I’m ready.  Sure, I can go make a baby right now if you want”  They didn’t really appreciate any of my responses, but every time they ask, I think back to my high school days when they wanted to “cock-block” me like it was their job and now they want me to be settled down with kids.  Wha????

I asked my parents what led to their change of heart.  The simple response was that as a high school student, they wanted me to focus on getting into the best college possible and didn’t want any distractions.  10 years later they feel comfortable about where I am in my career, so they want me to move on with the next phase of life, family.  In my opinion, I think they’re more comfortable now since they have less direct responsibility over my life.  In any case, I’m not sure if any of you feel these pressures from your families and find the change of heart to be unexpected or even stressful, but I know that for me there’s no switch that you flip to go from “not married” to “married with kids”.  However, I do understand my parents are getting older and they have a dream of having grandchildren.

For those of you still in high school, my advice would is to try and understand that your parents have some of your best intentions at heart, but at the same time, if you don’t socialize and date girls, you’ll be a couple years behind when it comes to college.  So try to find ways, via clubs, volunteering or friends to meet as many people as possible.  If you have to, tell your parents you want to study at Barnes and Noble or at a Borders.

If you’re done with college and feel the pressures of mom and dad asking for grandchildren, I would suggest you try to use some of the same tactics one would use in high school. Get involved in clubs, organizations, and even work-related activities to meet people.  However, you should try manage your parent’s expectations and let them know that you too want to be able to start a family and have kids and you’re doing your best to make that happen.

At the end of the day, whether you are 20, 30, or even 40 years old, meeting people is only in your best interest.  I do find it tough to comprehend that my parents went from “Say no to girls” to “Where are my grand kids?”, but it all comes back to why they immigrated or moved…. to give you the best opportunities possible.  They want all the sacrifices they made for their family to mean something and last beyond 1 generation.

-Johnny

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